Holy Smoke!! Where did the time go!!

So life happens right?  I had my mom's sister pass away from cancer and I had my dad's brother pass away also from cancer within a month.  I decided that I can't cope with another death so I claimed Jack Layton's passing as my third death.  I hope I was right.  I have fallen off the wagon and I feel guilty and I have a tremendous case of the should's as Deb would say.  I should have planned better. I should have said no.  I should have stuck to the plan like glue even though I had to travel to Kyle and I had to travel to Lethbridge and I had to travel to Bruno plus I start school right away on top of my job and a half.  Life has officially gotten in the way of any sort of plan I may have had.  I found out that I can't go to Puerto Vallarta after christmas like we planned and things are just sort of falling apart.  I have to reset and restart.  One doesn't plan for these things.  They just kind of happen.  I am still going to Vegas in February.  That plan has not altered.....therefore I need to get myself back on plan and keep going.  I want to get to my goal. Deb has been great through all this.  Honestly I have only lost two weeks but it feels like it has been a long time. This isn't easy mentally.  Physically and planning wise this is the easiest program I have ever tried but mentally it is as hard as any other weight loss program.  The food is easy because the rules are simple. But cheating is still so tempting and it is three steps forward two steps back.  Every cheat means a loss of three days.  As I have told other people, this is going to worth it in the end.  I want it for me and me alone so it is that much harder because I feel selfish doing it.  But sometimes one needs to be selfish.

Titles are hard...

I love what is happening.  I feel better, clearer.  I actually forget to eat.  I know that's not good either but it tells me that I am in the zone.  My skin is feeling loose and I am being more careful to remember to take one of the drinks with the collagen in it every day.  I really hope that it helps.  I am so excited to be doing this.  I have bad moments and bad days.  I am trying to break though this 230 but I am sure I am getting there.  The hardest thing is the heat.  I really don't feel like eating heavy protein.  I have found that an egg salad wrap with cucumber slices works.  Make hard boiled eggs.  Let them cool.  Take the shell off and smoosh them up with a fork. I usually use two or if I am really hungry I may use three.  Use about a tablespoon of the Walden farms mayo and mix in chopped green onion, dill, celery salt and salt and pepper to taste.  Wash a few leaves of whatever lettuce.....be adventurous.  Butter lettuce, green leaf or even iceberg works and use the lettuce as your wrap. Yummers.... Pass on any good recipes you find by leaving them as a comment.  I will post them if they are in the rules!  Keep eating on plan, see ya later.

All alone....

My husband and daughter went to the lake for the weekend.  I have work to do and I need to get a massage for a headache that I have had for weeks.  It is harder to stay on track while all alone though.  I am not really sure why.  Maybe I am feeling a smidge lonely....that might be it.  I was hoping to really enjoy this time alone but all I do is sit here and think about food.  It is actually rather tiresome.  I want to eat to live not live to eat but it really seems to be a very ingrained habit.  I want to break this habit.  I want to be healthy.  I want to win this one.  I am stuck again at 230.  It is really aggravating and I will push through it.  Deb won't let me give up.  She promised to help me break through this.  I just wish it was instant...  : ) 

So I'm not perfect

But then again who is.  If I were perfect I wouldn't need support from my friends and family or a diet for that matter.  I wouldn't over emote, I would be able to settle down and do all my work in a timely fashion, I would like my child every minute of every day (I love her no matter what but sometimes she is hard to like) and I wouldn't be struggling with my life.  But I'm not and I am.  Life changing things are hard.  If they weren't everyone would do it and we would all be happy and content in our lives.  There would be no jealousy or pettiness, people would be nice to each other all the time.  That my friends is not the real world.  People are mean.  They can be rude and selfish.  They can be demanding.  I am learning, albeit slowly, to stand up for me.  To ask for what I need to function.  To ask for things that I want and not to be afraid.  If you don't ask, you won't get .  I coming to realize that what I am searching for is self acceptance.  nothing more.....I want to be able to look myself in the mirror and say I love you.  i can do it to my husband.  I can do it for my daughter.  I can do it for my family and my friends.....but I can't do it for myself.   I am going to be less of a doormat.  None of this trying stuff.  I am no longer going to try to do things....I am just gonna get'er done.  When I feel like I can't do that, I am going to look myself in the mirror and say I love you, carry on, this is the right path.  Can't you tell??  I know it is because it feels impossible.  I know that this is just a diet....doesn't mean it can't be the path to self discovery right??  I feel like I am doing well.  My skin is all icky jiggly and soft and squishy so even though I am not seeing the results on my scale, I can feel the results.  I tell myself good job, well done at the end of every day that I stay on track.  I can't wait for my Vegas vacation.

soooo it happens to the best of us.....

Wellllll so I didn't actually cheat.  I just kinda forgot to blog.  It happens to the best of us.  I got out of the habit and suddenly three days later (okay maybe four) and it has been almost two weeks since I have talked to my public.  Lol....anyways so what has happened in the last week or so.  I lost 2.6 pounds in two weeks which wasn't what I had really expected after the first week.  I asked my darling coach Deb what I did.  Did I eat something wrong?  Did I not do something right?  What happened??  So what I understand is that it takes some time to adjust to this.  Your body protests and takes some time.  The first month won't be easy.  Although it only takes three days to actually get rid of the carbs stored in your system, it takes longer than that for your body to totally adjust.  I got talked off the ledge..good job Deb.  I have been experimenting with a variety of flavours for salad.  I have been trying to create the right coleslaw dressing.  So far the ingredients are Walden Farms Mayo mixed with Apply Cider Vinegar and celery salt.  I have tried adding dill and that turned out okay.  My other current favourite is greek salad...well it is sort of greek salad.  no tomatoes.....  Mix grape seed oil with lemon juice and vinegar and basil and oregano.  Thats it.  It is sooo yummy.  I haven't checked out olives yet.  I am not sure if they are okay to eat but i have only been adding cucumber and onion with green lettuce.  Tasty tasty stuff.  Marinate come chicken  in the same and grill it.  Anyways, I am off to enjoy the long weekend at the cabin.  Don't forget to eat your pudding!!

Woo Hoo!!

Five pounds in a week!!!  I have learned some new things after weighing in today.  First of all, you need to eat more than just the packs of food.  You need to have extra protein and veggies.  I am going to work on breakfast.  I have the snack foods down pat. Salads with lunch are going well.  Mixing olive oil with all sorts of spices and vinegar or lemon for salads is working well.  I have a cookbook now and I am going to spend the next week checking it out.  Cookbooks and even the internet are really good sources of extra innovation for me.  I wanted to have a greek tasting salad so I checked out some recipes on the internet.  Oil, vinegar, a splash of lemon, oregon, basil and garlic.  Into my Jamie Oliver shaker-ma-doo and voila ... greek salad dressing.  It was great.  I let it sit for about half an hour beofre I used which made it even better.  Having lost the 5 pounds I feel a renewed enthusiasm towards my weight loss.  I want to be able to buy clothes in a regualr store.  I want to be able to go shopping with friends.  I have never gone shopping with friends.  What is the point when the only place I can find things to wear is Penningtons.  This direction of thought feels destructive so I am going to redirect.  I felt good this morning.  I was happy to get up and get dressed.  I felt a positive energy that I haven't felt for a very long time.  I am also very excited for this coming week.  I won't be here to blah blah blah about me as I am taking some time off and going to the lake with my daughter and husband.  So all of those reading my thoughts, you will be on your own for the next week.  Think of a comment or something for me.  Good Luck with your goals.  Hang in there.  Remember that you will only get out of life what you put into it.  So if you only give a half assed effort, you are only going to get half assed results!!  That is the pep talk....that is my favourite pep talk.  Go get em tigeresses!!

On a Bicycle built for two.....kinda

So it has been almost a whole year and about 50 pounds since I was last on a bike.  So being the brave soul I am , I asked my three year old if she wanted to go on a bike ride with me...on my bike.  Well you would think I told her we were going to Disneyworld or something.  She was dancing around me laughing with delight.  I should have known right then and there that this was going to be.....totally awesome!!!!  I feel tired but exhilarated all at the same time.  I sooo missed doing things like this.  I used to go to the gym at least five times a week sometime doing two or more classes.  I forget when I am not exercising the doing physical things feel soooo good.  They are worth the effort.  Admittedly I moderated my efforts somewhat knowing that it would take more time to recover than normal due to the lack of instant energy.  But all in all I feel pretty darned good.  I can tell you though, it ain't easy riding a bike with a three and a half year old riding with you.  She isn't quite 40 pounds yet but she's close enough.  It took some effort to get going again when i stopped to cross the street.  I kept it easy though.  I chatted with my girl the whole way and didn't really lose my breath.  i know from previous experience and through the suggestion of my coach not to push it this first week but it was just tooooo beautiful to not go for a bike ride.  Have a peachy night!!

Tuesday is a good day....

I am feeling really good.  I still feel that I need a snack at 10 in the morning but I eat breakfast at like 7 and 5 hours is just too long for me to not eat.  I have been saving my IP food snack for the afternoon so I have had to be creative to come up with snacks for the morning.  I rediscovered things like pickled asparagus and roasted broccoli. Deb is a great source of ideas for things to eat.  She suggested such things like tuna salad on cucumber rounds and turkey bites.  I am also finding that I am not craving sugar anymore.  I miss it at times when someone brings out left over chocolate Easter eggs but I can easily say its not on my plan so I am not going to eat it.  The overwhelming I must have it is gone.  I am actually getting all the way hungry before I need to eat.  I mean my tummy is growling.  I also am not getting owly when I am hungry anymore.  Such a change in five days.  I can't wait to meet with Deb and get weighed in on her scale.  I can tell that my pants are already getting more comfortable.  Its a joy to know that such little effort on my part is reaping such great rewards.  Next on the menu plan is ground turkey wrapped in butter lettuce leaves.  I checked the epicure Taco seasoning and I think I will be able to use that on my turkey.  I am really hoping that my energy levels come up a smidge more.  I went for what I would consider an easy walk and was pretty tired by the time I got back to the house.   My hope is to be able to get back to regular gym activity soon.  I don't expect to be able to go to spin class any time soon but some yoga and weightlifting would be good.  More muscle means more calories burnt at rest.  Ta Ta for now.....

Feeling more normal...ish

Okay people....here is where the rubber meets the road.  The poor me cravings have started.   I thought I would have a smidgen more of a honeymoon period but no such luck.  I watched my daughter enviously as she slurped back a jumbo mr freezie.  I watched everyone eat a Oreo sandwich.  I did treat myself to a Crystal light while everyone ate their dessert.  I checked myself on my scale which isn't as good as having my self weighed on the same scale I started on but I was curious.  After three days my scale says four pounds gone.  I know this is just water weight but it was four pounds in three days.  And this is how I am consoling myself. I tell myself being happy in not worth a freezie.  It isn't worth an Oreo ice cream sandwich.  They taste good in the moment but I feel sad and I beat myself up immediately after I eat it.  I know they aren't a good choice for a sugar addict like myself because I can't eat just one.  I'll have one and then I'll eat a piece of cheese and then a piece of sandwich meat and then a bowl of cereal and then I'll feel bad so I'll eat chocolate.  It's insane.  So I have just decided to stop that behaviour.  If it doesn't make me happy, I'm not eating it.  Eating what's on plan is following my goal and therefore makes me happy so protein it is.  Beside what other diet can you have chocolate pudding for breakfast?!? So carry on, carry on.......

One day down......

I am so tired but not tired.  It is a strange thing to be full but still have your body wanting you to eat.  I have tried several foods.  My two favourites are the wild berry yogurt and the dark chocolate pudding.  They were yummmmmmy.  The cappuccino is good and the soup tasted like tomato and basil soup although the texture is not what you would expect.  It wasn't unpleasant...just different.  I have alternated between cranky and super cheerful.  I feel kinda sorry for my family.  I am doing my best to not be cranky with them because I know it is just me reacting to my blood sugar or lack thereof.  Not anything they are actually doing.  I'll admit that I don't feel as bad as I thought I would.  I have had a light headache since yesterday noon but nothing too terrible.  I have been doing this for a whole 24 hours and I am still feeling positive despite the small discomfort.  I am told this will last three days at least but not more than a week.  I went to bed early just to avoid everything.  I am feeling out of sorts still today but I was told that day 2 would be the worst day.  My body is screaming for food even though I know I just ate.  I called Deb cause she said call her with any questions and she told me that as long as I don't have anything with fat with the carbs from the IP food, I can have a snack to get me through.  Tuna with pickles and raw onion or some low fat sandwich meat (check the package to make sure there is no sugar people) or some veggies with one of the Walden farms dips.  Turkey bites are a great snack too but you can't have them too close to the IP meals cause they have fat.  I think I am learning.....but it is a steep curve and Deb has been great with letting me text and BBM her with my questions throughout the day.   No fat with carbs seems to be the main lesson for today.  Fat with protein not with carbs.  I am going to get a cookbook from Deb this next week.  There are three to look at and you don't have to buy them.  Deb will let me borrow them.  I still haven't come up with a good reward for myself yet.  I am going to Vegas in February to be with my friend who is getting married and that gives me all sorts of reward opportunities doesn't it.  I am trying to move past the food rewards of the past.  A dinner out for a job well done is the past.  Not only will it help me save money, but it will help me keep this weight off in the long run to get rid of that habit.  My husband is so helpful with this program too.  Last night he grilled chicken with the Walden Farms BBQ sauce for me.  He keeps telling me to do what makes me happy.  He loves me as I am but he doesn't want me to not love myself.  I am looking forward to being energetic and happy.  i want to be able to run around the block following my daughter riding her bike.  There is no way I could do that right now.  Lucky for me she hasn't quite figured out the pedalling thing and often brakes instead of pedaling forward.  Anyways, I have to get some stuff done before I go to work for the afternoon.  I have vacation time coming soon and I need to clear off my desk!!  Talk to you tomorrow!!

Tomorrow is the "day"

So I officially start tomorrow.  I am looking forward to it...sort of.  I am hopeful but I am trying hard to keep my expectations reasonable.  I am concerned that if i hope for too much it won't happen.  At the same time I really want to hope for my dreams to come true.  I just want to shop in a regular store.  Sometime it seems like it is too much to ask for but i want to be able to wear things that are in style.  I want to be able to choose a style instead of wearing whatever fits me from the "big girl" store.  It seems like such a tremendous thing to ask for.  I am scared that I am going to fail.  Again.  I know that because of the support that I can get from the staff at Complete Health that I should succeed.  I also know that it is up to me.  Making decisions day to day moment to moment to not eat off program.  That is how I will do this.  That and bribery.....that always helps.  I need some ideas...what should i reward myself with??  Any ideas? 

Ready to go!!

So I start my Ideal Protein plan on Friday.  I am naturally a little nervous to start another diet.  I have tried quite a few of them.  Weight Watchers, U Weightloss, Atkins always with limited success.  No guidance with the Atkins made it hard to stay on track.  To much guidance with U-Weightloss made it boring after a year.  Weight Watchers was just to open to cheating ...save up points all day and eat whatever for supper as long as the points were right, you were following plan right?  So when Deb started this clinic I watched her and my mom and her mom drop weight so quickly without the planning and groceries and cooking that was required for all the other things I had tried.  I spent so much time in the kitchen cooking and chopping and preparing and after a year it was just too much.  I work full-time, I have a three year old and I go to school part time. I finally decided that enough was enough and I told Deb I was ready for her to help me.  My goal is to be 175 - 185 pounds by February.  I am starting out at a hearty 244lbs.   Wish me luck!!