Holy Smoke!! Where did the time go!!

So life happens right?  I had my mom's sister pass away from cancer and I had my dad's brother pass away also from cancer within a month.  I decided that I can't cope with another death so I claimed Jack Layton's passing as my third death.  I hope I was right.  I have fallen off the wagon and I feel guilty and I have a tremendous case of the should's as Deb would say.  I should have planned better. I should have said no.  I should have stuck to the plan like glue even though I had to travel to Kyle and I had to travel to Lethbridge and I had to travel to Bruno plus I start school right away on top of my job and a half.  Life has officially gotten in the way of any sort of plan I may have had.  I found out that I can't go to Puerto Vallarta after christmas like we planned and things are just sort of falling apart.  I have to reset and restart.  One doesn't plan for these things.  They just kind of happen.  I am still going to Vegas in February.  That plan has not altered.....therefore I need to get myself back on plan and keep going.  I want to get to my goal. Deb has been great through all this.  Honestly I have only lost two weeks but it feels like it has been a long time. This isn't easy mentally.  Physically and planning wise this is the easiest program I have ever tried but mentally it is as hard as any other weight loss program.  The food is easy because the rules are simple. But cheating is still so tempting and it is three steps forward two steps back.  Every cheat means a loss of three days.  As I have told other people, this is going to worth it in the end.  I want it for me and me alone so it is that much harder because I feel selfish doing it.  But sometimes one needs to be selfish.

Titles are hard...

I love what is happening.  I feel better, clearer.  I actually forget to eat.  I know that's not good either but it tells me that I am in the zone.  My skin is feeling loose and I am being more careful to remember to take one of the drinks with the collagen in it every day.  I really hope that it helps.  I am so excited to be doing this.  I have bad moments and bad days.  I am trying to break though this 230 but I am sure I am getting there.  The hardest thing is the heat.  I really don't feel like eating heavy protein.  I have found that an egg salad wrap with cucumber slices works.  Make hard boiled eggs.  Let them cool.  Take the shell off and smoosh them up with a fork. I usually use two or if I am really hungry I may use three.  Use about a tablespoon of the Walden farms mayo and mix in chopped green onion, dill, celery salt and salt and pepper to taste.  Wash a few leaves of whatever lettuce.....be adventurous.  Butter lettuce, green leaf or even iceberg works and use the lettuce as your wrap. Yummers.... Pass on any good recipes you find by leaving them as a comment.  I will post them if they are in the rules!  Keep eating on plan, see ya later.

All alone....

My husband and daughter went to the lake for the weekend.  I have work to do and I need to get a massage for a headache that I have had for weeks.  It is harder to stay on track while all alone though.  I am not really sure why.  Maybe I am feeling a smidge lonely....that might be it.  I was hoping to really enjoy this time alone but all I do is sit here and think about food.  It is actually rather tiresome.  I want to eat to live not live to eat but it really seems to be a very ingrained habit.  I want to break this habit.  I want to be healthy.  I want to win this one.  I am stuck again at 230.  It is really aggravating and I will push through it.  Deb won't let me give up.  She promised to help me break through this.  I just wish it was instant...  : ) 

So I'm not perfect

But then again who is.  If I were perfect I wouldn't need support from my friends and family or a diet for that matter.  I wouldn't over emote, I would be able to settle down and do all my work in a timely fashion, I would like my child every minute of every day (I love her no matter what but sometimes she is hard to like) and I wouldn't be struggling with my life.  But I'm not and I am.  Life changing things are hard.  If they weren't everyone would do it and we would all be happy and content in our lives.  There would be no jealousy or pettiness, people would be nice to each other all the time.  That my friends is not the real world.  People are mean.  They can be rude and selfish.  They can be demanding.  I am learning, albeit slowly, to stand up for me.  To ask for what I need to function.  To ask for things that I want and not to be afraid.  If you don't ask, you won't get .  I coming to realize that what I am searching for is self acceptance.  nothing more.....I want to be able to look myself in the mirror and say I love you.  i can do it to my husband.  I can do it for my daughter.  I can do it for my family and my friends.....but I can't do it for myself.   I am going to be less of a doormat.  None of this trying stuff.  I am no longer going to try to do things....I am just gonna get'er done.  When I feel like I can't do that, I am going to look myself in the mirror and say I love you, carry on, this is the right path.  Can't you tell??  I know it is because it feels impossible.  I know that this is just a diet....doesn't mean it can't be the path to self discovery right??  I feel like I am doing well.  My skin is all icky jiggly and soft and squishy so even though I am not seeing the results on my scale, I can feel the results.  I tell myself good job, well done at the end of every day that I stay on track.  I can't wait for my Vegas vacation.

soooo it happens to the best of us.....

Wellllll so I didn't actually cheat.  I just kinda forgot to blog.  It happens to the best of us.  I got out of the habit and suddenly three days later (okay maybe four) and it has been almost two weeks since I have talked to my public.  Lol....anyways so what has happened in the last week or so.  I lost 2.6 pounds in two weeks which wasn't what I had really expected after the first week.  I asked my darling coach Deb what I did.  Did I eat something wrong?  Did I not do something right?  What happened??  So what I understand is that it takes some time to adjust to this.  Your body protests and takes some time.  The first month won't be easy.  Although it only takes three days to actually get rid of the carbs stored in your system, it takes longer than that for your body to totally adjust.  I got talked off the ledge..good job Deb.  I have been experimenting with a variety of flavours for salad.  I have been trying to create the right coleslaw dressing.  So far the ingredients are Walden Farms Mayo mixed with Apply Cider Vinegar and celery salt.  I have tried adding dill and that turned out okay.  My other current favourite is greek salad...well it is sort of greek salad.  no tomatoes.....  Mix grape seed oil with lemon juice and vinegar and basil and oregano.  Thats it.  It is sooo yummy.  I haven't checked out olives yet.  I am not sure if they are okay to eat but i have only been adding cucumber and onion with green lettuce.  Tasty tasty stuff.  Marinate come chicken  in the same and grill it.  Anyways, I am off to enjoy the long weekend at the cabin.  Don't forget to eat your pudding!!

Woo Hoo!!

Five pounds in a week!!!  I have learned some new things after weighing in today.  First of all, you need to eat more than just the packs of food.  You need to have extra protein and veggies.  I am going to work on breakfast.  I have the snack foods down pat. Salads with lunch are going well.  Mixing olive oil with all sorts of spices and vinegar or lemon for salads is working well.  I have a cookbook now and I am going to spend the next week checking it out.  Cookbooks and even the internet are really good sources of extra innovation for me.  I wanted to have a greek tasting salad so I checked out some recipes on the internet.  Oil, vinegar, a splash of lemon, oregon, basil and garlic.  Into my Jamie Oliver shaker-ma-doo and voila ... greek salad dressing.  It was great.  I let it sit for about half an hour beofre I used which made it even better.  Having lost the 5 pounds I feel a renewed enthusiasm towards my weight loss.  I want to be able to buy clothes in a regualr store.  I want to be able to go shopping with friends.  I have never gone shopping with friends.  What is the point when the only place I can find things to wear is Penningtons.  This direction of thought feels destructive so I am going to redirect.  I felt good this morning.  I was happy to get up and get dressed.  I felt a positive energy that I haven't felt for a very long time.  I am also very excited for this coming week.  I won't be here to blah blah blah about me as I am taking some time off and going to the lake with my daughter and husband.  So all of those reading my thoughts, you will be on your own for the next week.  Think of a comment or something for me.  Good Luck with your goals.  Hang in there.  Remember that you will only get out of life what you put into it.  So if you only give a half assed effort, you are only going to get half assed results!!  That is the pep talk....that is my favourite pep talk.  Go get em tigeresses!!

On a Bicycle built for two.....kinda

So it has been almost a whole year and about 50 pounds since I was last on a bike.  So being the brave soul I am , I asked my three year old if she wanted to go on a bike ride with me...on my bike.  Well you would think I told her we were going to Disneyworld or something.  She was dancing around me laughing with delight.  I should have known right then and there that this was going to be.....totally awesome!!!!  I feel tired but exhilarated all at the same time.  I sooo missed doing things like this.  I used to go to the gym at least five times a week sometime doing two or more classes.  I forget when I am not exercising the doing physical things feel soooo good.  They are worth the effort.  Admittedly I moderated my efforts somewhat knowing that it would take more time to recover than normal due to the lack of instant energy.  But all in all I feel pretty darned good.  I can tell you though, it ain't easy riding a bike with a three and a half year old riding with you.  She isn't quite 40 pounds yet but she's close enough.  It took some effort to get going again when i stopped to cross the street.  I kept it easy though.  I chatted with my girl the whole way and didn't really lose my breath.  i know from previous experience and through the suggestion of my coach not to push it this first week but it was just tooooo beautiful to not go for a bike ride.  Have a peachy night!!